


The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Trashy Fic in Human History

by catiegeekgirl



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Byakuya is a bottom, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm bad at naming things like the future foundation, I'm not that good yet, I'm sorry I did this to your boys, Kyoya is Daddy now, M/M, Power Play, Strap in, crack ship, no real sexy times, sexy times lite, sorry - Freeform, the ~archives~, well-written absolute trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 21:45:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17733242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catiegeekgirl/pseuds/catiegeekgirl
Summary: In a world where Hope's Peak Academy doesn't exist and the Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History never happened, there is only one school esteemed enough for Byakuya Togami: Ouran Academy. And there's only one other student on his level. Is it just the competition that draws Byakuya's attention, or is it something more?





	The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Trashy Fic in Human History

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MightyMudkipz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MightyMudkipz/gifts).



Byakuya Togami was furious. There had to be a mistake. Him, the esteemed Byakuya  _ To _ gami, only second in his class? This was unacceptable! Unheard of! No one of the Togami line had ever come second in anything.  _ Anything. _

 

With a snarl, Byakuya pulled a pen and a scrap of paper from his bag and scribbled down the name that dared appear above his own: Kyoya Ootari. Once he had the name down in his perfect handwriting, Byakuya headed to homeroom, not noticing the small group of girls who had witnessed the scene, whispering and wondering what on Earth Togami-san needed Kyoya’s name for. 

 

The classroom of gaggling students went quiet at the sound of the small piece of paper being slammed onto the teacher’s desk. Hirotaka-sensei, used to Byakuya’s…  _ eccentric _ personality by now, calmly looked up. “May I help you with something, Togami-san?” 

 

The young student stood there, arms crossed and eyes blazing. “Who is this?” He pointed at the slip of paper, now slightly crumpled, that was laying on the polished mahogany. 

 

Sensei looked down. “I’m confused, is the paper sentient?” There was a scattering of snickers from the back of the classroom. Byakuya turned to glare at the sound and the classroom was once again silenced. He turned back to his smiling teacher.

 

“The name, sir.  _ The name _ .” 

 

“Oh, well that’s easy. Kyoya Ootari. I’m sorry, I was unaware you were unable to read.” The snickering started up again, making Byakuya cringe. 

 

He swiped the piece of paper from the desk, glaring daggers at the smiling man. “Fine,” he hissed. “I’ll find them myself.”

 

“How very resourceful of you. Now, if you wouldn’t mind heading to your seat. Class is about to begin.”

 

Byakuya spent the rest of homeroom in a very bad mood, which wasn’t exactly different from usual, but kept everyone tense nonetheless. After the bell, he swept towards the door but was stopped by one of the girls in his class. 

 

“What?” He hated the girls in his class. They had all fonned over him during the first couple of weeks of school, pestering him about hobbies and relationships and all other manners of useless nonsense. There was little he hated more than gossiping girls.

 

“Sorry to bother you, Togami-san, but if you’re looking for Kyoya-kun, we know where you can find him.”

 

Byakuya’s attention snapped to the mousy girl in front of him. “Where?”

 

“Music Room 3.” One of the girls giggled and was immediately hushed by the other. “You’ll find him in Music Room 3.”

 

***

 

Byakuya stared at the ornate sign hung over the double doors: Music Room 3. The girl had said that this Kyoya person was part of some club. He couldn’t believe that a dumb musician had gotten the top score over him. Music was for lonely people with too much time on their hands. This was ridiculous. Even so, he had already wasted his time by coming here, so he might as well go in and speak to the man. 

 

With a long sigh, Byakuya Togami pushed open the pink door and was met with a whirlwind of rose petals. Taken aback, and trying desperately not to choke on any of the damn flowers, Byakuya looked up and was met by the sight of six very attractive men.

 

“Welcome, sir, to the Ouran High School Host Club!” Spitting out petals, Byakuya straightened and fixed his sharp gaze on the one who had just spoken, a blond boy sitting in the center of the group. For the first time in his life, Byakuya found himself speechless. This,  _ this _ was the child that had bested him? Before he could manage to get any words out, the blond boy stood. “It’s not every day we get a boy in here, but we’re not one to turn down a customer.” Without knowing how he had arrived there, Byakuya found himself pinned to the door he had just entered through, the handsome young man mere inches from him. “Now, what type are you looking for, Mr. Newcomer?”

 

Finally, Byakuya’s body seemed to catch up with his brain. He shoved the blond back and fixed him with his most withering glare. “Are you Kyoya Ootari?”

 

The boy blinked, then a sly smile spread across his face. “Ah, so you like the cool type.”

 

“I don’t believe that is the case here, Tamaki.” A slender figure with raven black hair and glasses stepped forward, a black notebook held in his hand. He glanced over at the slightly frazzled newcomer. “Byakuya Togami, I presume? I am Kyoya Ootari. How may I help you?”

 

***

 

“Togami-san! Is that you?” One of the first years came racing up to the hunched figure on the sofa. “I didn’t know you joined the-” She was cut off by Byakuya’s icy glare.

 

“I did not  _ join _ this ridiculous club, I am temporarily… observing its operations. Now get lost.” As the girl walked away, presumably to go be comforted by one of the hosts, Byakuya went back to trying to figuring out how exactly he had landed in this situation. It had all become a blur. There was a discussion, maybe an argument, and eventually… a challenge? He put his head in his hands, rubbing his temples, hoping to persuade this headache to go away. Yes, he had challenged Ootari. What exactly had he said?

 

“Wit’s and skill equivalent even to  _ mine _ , and you are wasting them away in a  _ host club _ ?”

 

Kyoya smiled, his glasses flashing. “I believe you are underestimating the effort and skill it takes to keep this organization afloat. And I would like to remind you, Togami-san, that our wit and skill are not equal.” 

 

“You got lucky,” Byakuya snarled. “It won’t happen again.”

 

“Is that so?” The blond, Tamaki, stood next to Ootari. “Then, how about a friendly competition?”

 

The twins brightened. “Ooh, a competition!” they said in unison. 

 

Ootari looked like he was about to say something to Tamaki, but Byakuya spoke first. “What are the parameters?”

 

Ootari stopped, staying still for a moment. Then, he turned to his challenger, a more mischievous smile playing at his lips, and Byakuya could tell that he, too, wasn’t used to being challenged and that he, too, was starting to enjoy it. “You must do my job for one day. And in the interest of fairness, I’ll allow you one day to observe.” He pushed up his glasses, causing them to shine again. Byakuya thought he was the only one who knew that trick. “So, do you think you can meet these parameters? Byakuya Togami?”

 

Byakuya was brought out of his reverie by a shift in the sofa. He looked up to see that the small one had taken a seat next to him. “Kyo-chan works really hard, you know.” Byakuya’s eyes were drawn to the small pink bunny clutched in his arms. 

 

“Why are you here? I feel fairly certain that children shouldn’t have anything to do with this kind of club.” 

 

“Mitsukuni.” The ridiculously tall one spoke from behind the sofa. This was the first time Byakuya had heard him talk. He was starting to wonder if the giant was slow. 

 

“Takashi!” The child leapt into the man’s arms. Perhaps they were caregiver and-

 

“I think you’ll find that you’re the child in this situation, Togami-san.” Byakuya spun around to see the one called Tamaki walking toward the group. “Both Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai are second years. After they graduate, they will become the heads of the Haninozuka and Morinozuka clans.”

 

Byakuya could barely keep his jaw from dropping. He turned back to the pair. Morinozuka-san was holding Haninozuka-san who was eating a piece cake he seemed to have pulled out of nowhere. At that moment, there was nothing even remotely threatening about either of them. And they were supposed to be the future heads of the most powerful martial arts clans in the country, perhaps even the world? 

 

“It was Tama-chan’s idea to make the club and to bring us here, but Kyo-chan is the one that actually figured out the logistics to make it happen,” Haninozuka-senpai said through bites of strawberry shortcake. “It’s all thanks to him that we get to be here with everyone.”

 

The twins popped up, making Byakuya jump. “We  _ told _ you we could scare him!” Did they ever speak separately?

 

“I was not scared, I was slightly startled,” Byakuya said, trying not to sound defensive. “Reacting to sudden possible threats is the sign of good reflexes.”

 

“Sure…” said the one on the left.

 

“Anyway, we’re the same way,” said the one on the right.

 

“We’re both still in middle school, so it took a lot of persuading to get the school to let us come here.”

 

“Pres is the one that convinced us, but Kyoya-senpai convinced everyone else.”

 

The two looked at each other, smiling, and spoke together, “Without him, we wouldn’t be here either.”

 

“You see, Togami-san,” Tamaki-san said, leaning in  _ much _ too close, “It takes more than wit and skill and cleverness and intelligence to do this job.” Byakuya glared, and Tamaki smirked. “Can you really say you have everything he has?”

 

“What are you all doing?” Kyoya-san approached the now very crowded sofa, black notebook in hand.

 

“We’re simply informing Togami-san here of what he’s up against,” said Tamaki, standing up and out of Byakuya’s face. How long had he been holding his breath?

 

“We made him jump, Kyoya-senpai!”

 

“I was gonna ask if he wanted a piece of cake.”

 

“Mm.”

 

Kyoya looked over his glasses at everyone. “That’s all well and good, but I’m afraid I need to borrow Togami-san, so perhaps you all should go back to your customers.” The members of the host club looked around, only now seeing the large crowd of girls watching their interaction, eyes sparkling. “Besides,” he added in a lower voice, “I believe I’ve obtained all the photographs I need. These should be an excellent addition to next month’s catalogue.” Byakuya couldn’t help looking at him. Was there something Kyoya-san had that he didn’t? “Coming, Togami-san? I believe I should show you the archives.”

 

***

 

The archives room was small and dark, hardly more than a glorified closet. For a club that had started only a couple of months ago, there were a surprising number of files stacked on shelves around the room. Some seemed to have been there for years. What a strange place… 

 

“We keep all of our records in here. It is the closest storage space to the club room and few people know about it.” Kyoya pulled a small memory chip from his pocket and placed it into a folder in the back next to what appeared to be multiple copies of a magazine. He then began copying information from his little black book into some spreadsheets he pulled from another file. “None of the other club members have been here. They know it exists, but not where.” He turned to look back at Byakuya with a glint in his eye. “Count yourself lucky.”

 

“Luck is the name useless people give to chance,” said Byakuya. “I’d rather not be affiliated with it.”

 

“That’s what everyone says, until they get lucky.”

 

Byakuya rolled his eyes and turned to look at the files on the shelf next to him. There were binders, envelopes, folders, packets, notebooks, and even some loose papers all haphazardly thrown on the shelf in piles. How incredibly unorganized. He went to pull a particularly dusty file off the shelf, one that had the word “despair” scribbled across the top in shaky red inky. “I wouldn’t touch that if I were you.” 

 

With a frown, Byakuya crossed his arms and turned to look at the other man, who seemed to have finished his business “And why is that, exactly? I thought that I was aloud to observe, ‘in the interest of fairness.’”

 

“We are not the only ones that use this archive room. There is quite a bit of information in here, most of which I feel confident in saying you wouldn’t want to see.”

 

“And what would you know about what I do and do not want to see?” Kyoya raised one perfect eyebrow, sensing the tension that was filling the small space.

 

“This room is full of secrets. Secrets about people and places and events. Secrets about the makings of this school and secrets about some of the most powerful people in the country from when they still attended it.” Kyoya took a step forward, closing the small gap between him and the blond boy, looking slightly up to meet his eyes. He lifted a small binder. “There are even secrets about what has gone on in this very room. And believe me, Togami-san, there are some things that you don’t need to know.”

 

Trying to ignore the closeness of the other man, and the fact that he smelled vaguely of pine, Byakuya met his strong gaze, refusing to let Kyoya get the better of him. “So you’re just going to take the advantage for yourself then, are you?”

 

Kyoya smirked and something dangerous danced in his eyes. “And what would you know about taking advantages?”

 

And right at that moment, something in Byakuya snapped. Without thinking, he grabbed Kyoya’s tie and yanked, filling the last bit of space between them. The kiss was hard, dangerous, a declaration of war. And maybe it was the suddenness of it that kept Kyoya from fighting back or pulling away. Or maybe it was simply the fact that he had, at last, met his match. For the first time that day, Byakuya finally felt like he had the upper hand. 

 

After much longer than Byakuya had originally anticipated, he finally broke away, giving the other boy a slight shove. “Don’t think you can intimidate me, Ootari.” His voice was slightly rough, and his hair… how had his hair gotten like that? Without another word, Byakuya turned on his heel and stormed out of the closet. 

 

Kyoya blinked, then a smile slowly stretched across his slightly swollen lips. “You’re on, Byakuya,” he said softly. “You’re on.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! I did it! I hope it was everything you hoped for. (That's two shots!) I'm sorry that I'm literally unable to write actual trash, but I think the premise was trashy enough to warrant the title. Whether this remains a one-shot or gets another chapter remains to be seen, but let's be real, I'm lazy, so unless I suddenly get a hankering for writing some yaoi, this is probably as far as this will go. Anyway, happy birthday, babe!


End file.
